


hidden past

by amybri2002



Series: bad things happen bingo [10]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Hidden scar, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unsympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Unsympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, blood mention, canonverse, injury mention, roman and logan are also mentioned but aren't significant to plot :/
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24390778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002
Summary: For years, Virgil tries to hide his scars from his new family, but it's only a matter of time before someone finds out.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: bad things happen bingo [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1714939
Comments: 4
Kudos: 112
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo





	hidden past

Virgil stared at himself in the mirror, running his fingers across the scars covering his face. They were worse than usual on that day - usually they weren't so visible, easily covered up by a bit of foundation plus his signature black eyeshadow to cover up the worse bits, around his eyes. But he'd been thinking a lot recently, about back then, and about his place now, and... well, he remembered a lot more about that night, about how-

He didn't want to think about it. Patton had called him down for breakfast five minutes ago, he didn't have _time_ to be thinking about it. He began to apply his foundation again, like he did everyday, and soon got to work on his usual eyeshadow, making it a little darker to make sure the scar was completely covered up. He didn't want Patton to see him like this and freak out. He didn't want to be asked if anything was wrong, or about how he got the scar. He didn't want to risk Patton changing his opinion of Virgil, growing scared of him, sending him right back to where he 'belonged', where he came from.

There was a knock on the bathroom door and Virgil nearly jumped out of his own skin.

"You okay, kiddo?" the voice on the other side asked. "You've been in there a while. Your eggs are getting cold."

Virgil breathed in. It was just Patton. How long had he been in the bathroom now? It usually took him ten, fifteen minutes to do his makeup fully, but he was trying some else today to _really_ cover up those scars, and he'd spent a while just staring at himself, trying to calm his nerves before even starting the makeup. He breathed in again. All of this shouldn't be too difficult to explain to Patton. Patton probably wouldn't even ask.

"Kiddo?" Patton said again, and Virgil inwardly cringed for taking so long to think of a reply.

"I'll be out in a moment, Pat," he called, desperately dabbing more foundation onto his skin. It wasn't working - the scars were still visible. A little hidden, and probably invisible if you didn't know they were there, but Virgil didn't want to risk it, _couldn't_ risk it. He could feel himself tearing up now, which didn't help at all, because if he cried properly the makeup would be ruined and the scars would be on full show.

"Alright," Patton said, sounding a little skeptical, "just hurry up, Roman's getting impatient."

Virgil breathed in and out a few times, trying to push his emotions down and pretend that everything was fine. He looked at himself one more time in the mirror. The scars were... mostly hidden. Perhaps visible under certain lights, but as long as the others wouldn't look too closely, things would be fine. He would be fine. He quickly ruffled his hair, fixing his bangs, before packing away his makeup and stepping out the bathroom. Roman immediately rushed past him, locking the bathroom behind him, whilst Virgil slowly make his way down to the kitchen, where Patton was waiting.

"Oh, did you do something new with your makeup?" Patton asked, as he placed a plate in front of Virgil.

After taking a few bites (mostly to delay his response to Patton for as long as possible, he cleared his throat. "Yup. Thought, uh, thought that maybe it'd look cool. I don't know." What he'd _really_ done was add a few lines running down his face, to cover up some of the more prominent scars, but Patton didn't need to know that. "It's not too much, is it?"

"Oh, of course not, kiddo!" Patton exclaimed, sitting down opposite Virgil and beginning to eat breakfast himself. "It looks super cool!"

Virgil gave him a small smile. "Thanks." He turned back to his food. Flashes of that night circled his mind again, and suddenly he didn't have much of an appetite. He pushed his plate away.

Patton frowned. "Are they too cold? I can heat them up for you if you want, or make another plate-"

"No, Pat, it's fine," Virgil said. "Just... not really feeling that hungry."

That didn't seem to make Patton feel any better. "You still need to eat, kiddo! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day-"

"Nah, don't worry Pat, I'll be okay." Virgil stood up. "I can eat at lunch, alright?"

"Alright." Patton shuffled in his seat. "Well, uh, I'm heading down to the market in the Imagination later, you could come with me if you-"

"No thanks, Pat," Virgil said, perhaps a little too harshly.

He _hated_ how blunt he was being, and especially hated the fact that under any other circumstances, Virgil would have gladly accept Patton's offer, which meant that _now_ Patton would _definitely_ know that something was wrong, and he might end up questioning Virgil, and then Virgil would have to explain, and that old wound would be opened up even more, and _oh God he could feel himself starting to cry again-_

"I'm just gonna head back up to my room," Virgil said, trying to remain as calm as possible, "but I'll see you later, yeah?"

Patton nodded. "Yeah, okay, of course. I'll come check on you before I leave, if you want, just in case you change your mind."

 _Please don't._ "Okay. See you."

He left the kitchen and made his way back up to him room, collapsing onto his bed. It wasn't until his door was closed and he could no longer hear footsteps in the rooms around him that he allowed his tears to pour out, falling onto his pillow. He thought that all of that stuff was _behind_ him, but...

He'd been trying to protect them. The light sides still weren't his friends, not really, but at least if he was there to 'torment' them, he could prevent the _others_ from hurting them even more. Deceit wasn't so bad, Virgil supposed, and Remus was _fine_ sometimes, or _would_ be fine if- if _he_ didn't feel the need to take control.

He couldn't remember which one of them had done this to him. Perhaps it had been all three, each getting their fair share. Virgil had only dared to speak up. The light sides weren't that bad, if _they_ would just drop their act for a while the light sides would probably listen, they would all be able to _help_ Thomas. But he supposed the others didn't want to help, not as much as he did.

Perhaps Virgil was going soft. That's what Deceit always told him. He cared too much about the light sides, about people who didn't give a damn about him. And he wasn't doing _anything_ to help with the 'master plan'. Deceit always accused him of fraternising with the enemy, always implied that Virgil was _one of them._ He wasn't, of course. At the time, his loyalty would always lie with the dark sides. Not so much anymore, after everything they had put him through, but... In any case, Virgil always wanted to do what was best for _Thomas_ , and if that meant he had to _act_ like a light side, then he would. If it meant he'd have to keep the light sides from getting hurt, he'd protect them at all costs.

So when _he_ had declared it was time for _him_ to step in, of course Virgil had protested. Of _course_ he'd told _him_ to stop, to leave the light sides alone. And of course _he_ had accused Virgil was being one of them - and he wasn't one of them, they all still hated him, but he still felt the need to _protect_ them - but of course when Virgil tried to explain, _he_ had just lashed out. And of course _he_ had called Deceit and Remus, as well, and...

He didn't like to think about it. Didn't like to think about how they'd attempted to hold him back, how he'd screamed and screamed for them to _stop_ , to _listen_ to him. They were supposed to be his friends, his _family_ , and they...

He still remembered the next morning, waking up in the light side's domain just before sunrise, with a banging headache and a soaring pain over his whole face. He remembered rushing to the bathroom and crying when he saw all the cuts across his skin, the black eye and the bruising on his cheek, the blood dripping down his face. He'd cleaned up as best he could, hid away from the others for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even a few months - time had been weird, in that period, hiding from the light sides and being unable to return to the dark sides, placing himself in complete isolation - until he began to look like his normal self again, just... not quite the same. The swelling and the bruising went down, and the bleeding soon stopped, but the scars never faded. And neither did that awful feeling, the constant reminder that he _wasn't welcome_ with the people he'd previously considered to be his closest friends, his _only_ friends.

So he hid the scars. For years and years, every morning he'd have to apply that same makeup, under the guise that he was just doing it to be edgy, and he'd sit through the light sides insults and ignorance, just for a chance of human connection, to _pretend_ that maybe he could have a _new_ family, that... that none of that _awful_ stuff that happened in his past was real. 

It still hurt. The scars, and the dark side's words, and the thought of everything the light sides did to him after, the fact that they didn't even _know_.

They couldn't know. He couldn't let them know. He _had_ that family now, the friends he always wanted, they were _nice_ to him, but... he was scared. Scared that the _moment_ they saw what he truly looked like, that they found how he'd been lying to them this whole time, things would go right back to the way they were before. Roman would certainly find new ways to insult him, probably slipping right back into his old habits. Logan would probably be unsettled by Virgil's appearance, perhaps refuse to hang out with him as much as he did, stop sitting next to him whilst reading his books, what was usually a silent declaration of his trust and love for Virgil. And Patton... Patton would _know_. He'd find out about Virgil's past, and- and he'd hate him for it. _He'd send him back._

There was a gentle knock on his door. Virgil began to panic. He sat up in his bed, noticing that some of his makeup had come off onto his sheets and the rest had most likely been ruined by his tears. He quickly repositioned himself, hiding under his blanket to prevent the outside world from seeing him like this. Just in case the person came in. He didn't reply to them, but... just in case.

The door slowly opened. Great. The next moment, someone was sat on his bed, gently stroking his shoulder. Virgil tensed up.

"Are you alright, kiddo?"

Oh. It was Patton, again. Of course. Virgil breathed in, desperately trying to think happy thoughts to _stop_ himself from crying but coming up with nothing.

"I'm fine," he said. There was a silent echo to his voice, a little deeper than usual. He did _not_ sound fine.

"Virgil, baby, look at me."

Virgil was silent for a moment, before simply saying, "No." 

"Virgil-"

"I don't want to."

"At least tell me what's wrong-"

"I can't."

"I just want to-"

"I _can't_!"

He'd sat up now, throwing the covers off him and looking Patton right in the eye. Patton withdrew a little, a... scared expression growing on his face, then a mixture of fear and disgust, and then... confusion, pity. And Virgil realised his mistake. His scars were on show. Silence fell over the room, and in that moment Virgil just wanted to disappear.

"What happened?" Patton finally let out, his voice quiet and timid.

Virgil hunched his shoulder. He looked down, fixing his eyes on his bed. "I..."

"Should we get Logan?" Patton asked, the fear in his eyes quickly fading, to be replaced by concerned. "Those... Those, uh, they look pretty nasty-"

"No." His voice was still deep and echoey and he _hated_ it.

"Breath, Virgil," Patton said, apparently just now beginning to notice the panic settling in Virgil.

Virgil took several deep breaths, trying to get his thoughts straight. Patton stayed with him, quiet, eyes drifting to the side as if he could sense Virgil's discomfort of being looked at. And once Virgil was ready, Patton listened.

"I've had these for years," Virgil said, slowly. "I, uh, didn't want you guys to know in case you freaked out, but, uh..." Virgil found himself telling Patton everything. All about life with the dark sides, and about that night, and about what had happened after when he was _with_ the light sides, and... and everything in between. At several parts, he felt like he should stop, but knew if he _did_ stop he'd never find the courage to speak about it again. And Patton _deserved_ to know. Even if it meant he'd no longer want Virgil around... Virgil didn't want to hide any longer.

When Virgil was done, Patton just looked at him, tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Kiddo..."

And then Patton was hugging him, tightly, allowing Virgil to bury his head in his shoulder. Patton was warm, and comfortable, and soon enough all of Virgil's fears from earlier had faded.

"You're safe now, kiddo," Patton said. "We love you. You don't have to hide _anything_. You're _safe_."


End file.
